moby-dick-(or-the-whale)-37
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LOSING ZEST

31 January 2007

I don't know what it is right now, but I am completely demotivated for August. Might be because I've just taken one of my token hot and long, exhausting showers that always drain the life out of me (and don't get any ideas on what I might be doing in that booth because I assure you, my soul is as clean as a newborn baby -totally innocent!). But it's also part of an aloofness that I've felt before.

Sometimes it feels that August just isn't rewarding enough to spend that much time on it. I'm basically drawing the whole weekend, every weekend. Free time is always making room for the comic. That'd be fine if there were some sort of really cool reward for it, but as it is, the old ones are beginning to lose their novelty. Of course it's cool to have a comic that people read, and I'm no longer complaining on the amount of feedback I get. But, base as this may sound, I think I need more to remain interested. Back when I was preparing the trade paperback of the first year -that was a huge motivator for me to pour extra quality into the episodes of year two. But now that I've kind of given up on creating more TPB's (because it's really a ridiculous amount of work) that motivation is gone as well.

I don't want to sound ungrateful to my valued readers; I really appreciate that a lot of you are faithfully keeping track of the comic and come back week after week. I'm just in an existential funk here with the good captain. You know, the 'what's it all good for'-kind of thing. I haven't heard from the publisher I contacted half a year ago (pursuing that right now) and it recently dawned on me that the huge spike in new visitors were probably bots roaming the forums to post spam. Yes, money is a factor in this. If I were getting paid for this -even a little!- I'd have something very palpable to cling onto. That doesn't make me a greedy bastard; it's just how people work.

I'd really hate to give up on the comic. I want to finish August -if not the preposterous amount of ten years I had set, then at least four or five. Just so I can wrap it up nicely instead of blowing it off mid-story. But at the moment, though I can easily go on for some time, it just seems that I won't be able to gather the motivation from within myself to go on for those many years at the expense at every drop of free time I have.

Hopefully soon I'll feel up to the challenge again. Hopefully because unexpected contracts start falling into my lap offering piles of gold, begging me to keep on drawing and publishing my work in luxurious hardcover. Ah yes, one can dream.

Roderick.