one-trial,-all-tribulation
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MEASURE TWICE, CUT ONCE

26 March 2005

,,I feel the quality of my life has been somewhat wanting lately. If not to say 'meh', in the first place. Things are not all bad, in fact many wonderous things have happened in the last months. But if you recall, I've also been extremely busy in these last months. School always had periods of stress, but I've been stuck in this endless crunch since the beginning of december now! With the odd relaxing few days here and there, I've been pushing it every smegging day, hardly ever finding the time to game anymore. Indeed, if I ever want to game nowadays, I have to plan it ahead, which takes some of the hobbyness of it away.

But I'm getting pretty tired of it. Again there are big projects looming on the horizon, and I'm only just finishing the last. Projects and animations of the previous generation are still lying there, waiting to be used and shown (August the Movie anyone?), but before I can settle down and process anything I'm forced into new ventures again, kamikaze-style. Death and glory! Well, I don't think so. Because I'm getting less and less pleased with this. I've noticed that recently I've become subject to increasingly frequent fits of stress and while I ever remain cheerful in between, I don't like it. It's not good for the quality of my life, nor for the quality of my work.

And the side-effects are also incredibly annoying. Weird, angsty fears are prone to dominate my mind when I can't take it anymore, and I get obsessed over people and mundane things. Little things become big irritations and spontaneous bursts of sobbing at the breakfastnook are increasingly occurring. And all the while I'm waiting for school -especially- to settle into a steadier stream. Though it feels like we're almost at the bloody waterfall. So far I've managed to push August through all this unscathed, but I can easily imagine not making it in the future. I'll let you know when that happens.'

I wrote the above three alineas yesterday when things were stressy for me again. Now that I write this I'm pretty positive about it all. Easter is coming, I just watched a kick-ass movie with Crispin Glover as vengeful rodent-controller and I'm wearing an Incredibles-t-shirt that was provided by my work for promotion but is too cool not to wear all the time, for the rest of my life, always. So right now, I'm cool. That doesn't mean it's over, but as long as I have people to rely on, friends and a special person (you know who you are -said the Liberace-impersonator as the spotlight went ahead into the martini-sipping crowd at the command of his pointing, ringed finger on a humid, warm night in Vegas), I'll be OK. The road may be bumpy, but this train will roll on like a Decepticon on diesel.

Roderick.